Last summer Aaron and I went on a 7 week long road trip. While discussing this with a friend her comment, while contemplating spending an extended amount of time in a van with her spouse, was "Man, your marriage is a lot stronger than ours". While I know she said it in jest, it caused me to reflect on what the last three years has meant for us as a couple.
I think husbands are the forgotten heroes of infertility. I often forget the level of constant support they have to give at a moments notice. You think women are crazy during pregnancy? Try trying to get there for three years! And then try being the guy who has to navigate the seemingly instantaneous mood swings caused by anything from a failed dinner to a broken humidifier. Look out! Aaron's ability to sense when I need to find a candy bar in the fridge or look at puppies during church is incredible. I give you the following example as evidence that I am the winner in this relationship.
There is a mathematical phenomenon in the world of infertility that while the time it takes you to get pregnant proceeds at a constant rate, the number of people you know that are pregnant increases exponentially. Some may say that this is just me being overly sensitive and they're probably wrong. This is legit. Now this not only makes it hard to have friends and be around anything baby but it makes it hard to be level headed about normal everyday stuff - i.e., the failed dinner and broken humidifier listed above. That means that things you'd normally brush off or are able to process in a healthy manner now become potential volcanoes. My latest volcano was a doctors appointment I made for my husband. Due to schedules we had to book a week or so out and by the time the day of the appointment was close the symptoms were gone and he wanted to cancel. Even as I write this I again realize how NBD this was. "Great! You're feeling better - no need to go to the doctor!" But no, I exploded - and by exploded I said fine, argued a bit about why he should still go - yes as an unsick person, and then didn't talk to him for the rest of the car ride. I know, I know - crazy town! So what does he do?? He sends me a text at lunch that he wants to take me on a date that night. No bitter remark, no jab at my faults, no requirement of an apology, just unconditional love and a desire to lift me up.
It is because of Aaron that I am okay. It is often his strength and his optimism that gets me through the day. I am grateful today, and everyday, for his love and example.
Love you Babe and Happy Valentines Day!
