When I was on my mission I fell in love with Peter. I just related to him in my passionate spurts
of spiritual devotion and in my shaky moments of question and doubt. While it’s hard to pick a favorite
story about Peter, I find that I reflect often on the story of when Peter
walked on the water to Jesus. I
think of how many times I have felt that I’ve leapt off the side of the boat
and walked confidently through the waves towards my Savior – thinking to
myself, yes this trial is hard but I know my Savior is there for me. And then a trial hits that causes me to
see “the wind boisterous” and I, just as Peter, let fear overpower my faith,
take my eyes off the Savior, and begin to sink. I get caught up in the 2 a.m. thought frenzy of “why
wouldn’t God want me to have children” or the judgmental Wal-mart rage of “why do they get to have children” or the overwhelming sadness and plain
old jealousy when I see someone with a baby. But it is in these times that I try and remember Peter.
But
when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
I know that the heartache we all feel can only be
understood by our Savior but as I become better at recognizing when I’m sinking and pray for his
help, I have found, just as Peter, that he immediately picks me up and calms my
heart.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read Jeffrey R.
Holland’s talk “An High Priest of Good Things to Come”. It always makes me feel
better when I get the part of, “No, Christ knows better than all others that
the trials of life can be very deep and we
are not shallow people if we struggle with them.” I always think – oh phew,
an apostle just told me it’s ok that I’m struggling. But remember that we are
not out there alone, just as Elder Holland says – “He was out there on the
water also, that He faced the worst of it right along with the newest and
youngest and most fearful. Only one who has fought against those ominous waves
is justified in telling us—as well as the
sea—to ‘be still’.”
