It seems obvious to those of us who struggle with infertility that Mother's Day is difficult. Before beginning our journey towards having children, Aaron use to joke that he didn't have to worry about Mother's Day because I'm "not a mother yet". Needless to say, he's become a bit more aware of Mother's Day and the emotional state it tends to bring. Fortunately this year we were able to spend Mother's Day with my family and it helped me realize a few things:
A) While I may not be a biological mother, I can have a lasting "motherly" influence on my nieces and nephews. I have a wonderfully large immediate and in-law family and to date have 19 beautiful littles that I get to influence. On Mother's Day, in what I can only attribute to divine inspiration, my sister Tracy asked me take her 18 month old, Jett, on a walk to see some of the new baby animals on the family farm. This beautiful baby, who had wanted nothing to do with me for the last two days, was now willing to hold my hand, jabber with me incessantly, and lovingly giggle at everything I pointed out. I realized that my sphere of influence on the future generations doesn't stop because I don't have children of my own - it continues to grow with each beautiful baby born.
B) One thing that I seem to have in abundance is time to think. Sometimes it's a good thing, like when it produces results like the following epiphany, and sometimes it sucks, like when I wake my husband at 2 in the morning to discuss the pros and cons of foreign vs. domestic adoption. Call it fate but due to weather delays, incompetent airline employees, and our general inability to spend extra money - we recently ended up sleeping in the Minneapolis airport. Needless to say I did a little sleeping and a lot of thinking. As I listened to the buzz of the moving sidewalk and looked at Aaron frustratingly snoozing it away next to me I realized that I have it all right now. I have a husband that loves and supports me no matter what - which is kind of a big deal because let's face it, I get crazy sometimes. We have families that will do anything for us. We have jobs and a home and friends and our health. Too often I view our lack of children as a hole in our lives that will only be filled with said children. But as I lay on the foam pad in terminal A10 I realized that nothing is missing. My life and my family is 100% complete and when we have children it will not fill a hole but add to the compete happiness we now enjoy.
So happy Mother's Day - this year it is easier to say. Hopefully it continues to be easier as I continue to recognize my abilities to positively impact others and how amazingly blessed I already am.
